Good grief. Some thoughts and passages on my heart this week…

A friend checked in with me last week, since the Spirit had been prompting her to pray for me. I’m in a good season, but I appreciate the support, because I am aware of so many grieving people. I’m seeing a lot of loss on many levels.

Many friends have lost parents and other family members recently. I’ve had friends suddenly lose their relatively young spouses. Right now, friends are dealing with cancer and other possible terminal illnesses with family members and spouses. Other families have been torn apart by divorce, affairs, pornography, abuse, neglect and other “cancers” that cause relationships to decay and crumble.

Many gifted friends have lost jobs and are unemployed or underemployed. Some have lost homes; some are struggling with the terrible toll that financial stress takes on us.

Still others are dealing with the loss of a dream. When our current reality does not match the vision we had of the future, those unmet (and possibly unrealistic) expectations can crush our spirit. And we may not even be aware of how we are pulling back from God and people in self-protection.

Contrary to what some teach, suffering is a promised part of life. Because we live in a fallen world, because we make poor choices, because others sin against us, because life happens, because this world is not our home, we will all experience loss. Are you in a season of loss? Or do we need to open our eyes and notice what others are going through?

How do we walk through grief—either our own or others’?

Evaluating life in light of God—not the other way around. Our lifelong question: Will I look at God through my circumstances? Or will I look at circumstances through the character of God? If I choose Door #1, my view of God will change with every shift of the wind. I will mistrust Him and hold Him at arm’s length every time I encounter pain. And I’ll think He’s great every time I win the lottery. That’s the way most people interact with God. And it’s a crazy-maker.

But if I truly study and cling to the character of God and His unchanging attributes, then I have a fortress. It doesn’t mean life (and death) will be easy. It doesn’t mean I will understand the blows and upheavals. But it does mean I have a safety belt when the storms threaten to tear me apart. “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us” (Hebrews 6:19-20)

The inestimable importance of community. Don’t go it alone. There is no such thing as a healthy “Lone Ranger” Christian. We are meant to be part of a family, the body of Christ. I hear people say, “It’s just me and God. I don’t need anyone else.” I don’t see that in Scripture. In this world of “social networking” and 24/7 availability, how many experience true community? The enemy’s number one strategy is “divide and conquer”. If he can isolate me physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, my vulnerability increases exponentially.

Empathy. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) Have you ever known someone is right there with you whether you are grieving or celebrating? To know you are not alone in your pain? To have cheerleaders and pep squads celebrating your victories? Who do you weep with? Who do you rejoice with? We need each other.

The ministry of presence. I certainly don’t have the perfect words to say. I don’t have the wisdom to explain why. Sometimes the best strategy is “Don’t just say something, sit there!”

“Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, they came each one from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite; and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him. When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.” (Job 2:11-13)

Job’s friends were wonderful. Until they opened their mouths. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just be there.

Assess your soul. “Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds” (Proverbs 27:23) This summer, we are studying AW Tozer’s classic, The Pursuit of God. Along with Tozer’s challenging words, we are spending time in the Psalms and learning to journal. As we let the Scripture grab ahold of us in all its questioning, grief, sadness, anger, wisdom, celebration, joy, praise and gratitude—and then respond with what we find in our own spirit--we are transformed.    

If we do not pay attention to the state of our soul, when the trials come, we will begin to draw away from God, we will absorb our circumstances through a warped lens, we will take matters into our own hands, and we will rationalize all sorts of self-pity, self-indulgence, destructive emotions and choices. Pain is never an excuse to sin.

Evaluate in light of eternity. “He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11) We are eternal beings who live in time. And that can be frustrating.

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:16-18)

“Momentary, light affliction”? Are you kidding? One may think, “You don’t know how hard it’s been”. But remember that Paul was referring to beatings, shipwrecks, stoning, martyrdom, people being delivered to death. We can never compare one person’s pain with another’s. And it is tough challenge to evaluate life in light of eternity, to compare the tiny dot of our years here against the endless line of eternity.

So we struggle. We grieve. We pour out our soul. We come alongside the “Man of sorrows, acquainted with grief”, because He’s the only One who truly gets it. He’s the only one who completely understands our loss and sadness. 

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:6-9)

May we experience the great and mysterious paradox: to walk through loss, yet eventually “greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory”. For this we need Jesus. And for this we have Jesus.

Looking to Him,
Linda